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About 14 minutes to read
Read this first part tonight. Further down is a word for you if it has gone on for years, if you are caring for someone, and if death is near.
But I trusted in thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my God. My times are in thy hand:
Psalm 31:14-15 (KJV)
The day of the diagnosis is in his hand, and every day after it.
The night before he died, in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus told his friends, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death (Mark 14:34). Then he fell on the ground and prayed.
And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.
Mark 14:36 (KJV)
In Scripture a cup often pictures the portion God hands to someone. Jesus asked for his to pass, and he asked more than once (14:39). So you may ask for healing, and keep asking. And he bowed to his Father’s will. Faith does not pretend the cup is sweet. It asks, and then it trusts the Father who holds it.
He asked to be spared, and he was not spared. The cup he dreaded was God’s fury against sin (Isaiah 51:17). Jesus drank all of it on the cross, and on the third day he rose. If you are his, your cup may be bitter, but it holds no wrath.
Paul was given something that tormented him (2 Corinthians 12:7).
For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:8-9 (KJV)
The answer was grace, and it was enough. If anyone tells you that with enough faith you would be healed, remember that Paul left his friend Trophimus sick at Miletum (2 Timothy 4:20). Being sick is not a sign that your faith has failed.
Jesus prayed to his Father, and that Father rules over all of this.
God, the great Creator of all things, doth uphold, direct, dispose, and govern all creatures, actions, and things, from the greatest even to the least, by his most wise and holy providence,
Westminster Confession of Faith 5.1
That includes the doctor and the medicine, since God works through means (WCF 5.3). The Larger Catechism counts a sober use of physic, which is medicine, among the duties of the sixth commandment (Q&A 135). Taking it is obedience, not unbelief.
You may wonder if this is punishment. The punishment for a believer’s sin fell on Christ, and God does not collect the same debt twice. What his child may receive is a Father’s chastening, for his good and never in condemning wrath (Hebrews 12:6-11, WCF 12.1, 20.1). And not every sickness is sent for some sin (John 9:3). So do not hunt for a hidden sin behind yours, and do not let anyone name one for you. If an old sin troubles you, confess it. He is faithful and just to forgive (1 John 1:9).
God may heal now, or he may not. Matthew says his healings fulfilled Isaiah’s word, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses (Matthew 8:17). They were previews of what is coming. For those who are his, the cross bought the redemption of the body, and at the resurrection the healing will be whole (Romans 8:23).
Tonight, do these three things.
- Tell the Lord what you want. Ask him for healing, or for more time, or for peace at the end. If you have asked for years, simply tell him you are tired. That is prayer too.
- Call for your elders. Scripture tells the sick to call for them and let them pray (James 5:14). If you have no church, call a Christian friend, and read Do Not Carry It Alone below. If you are young and your mom or dad is sick, tell a teacher or a school counselor, so someone at school knows.
- Care for your body. Eat something, and lie down even if sleep will not come. If you are keeping watch, let someone else sit up a while. Write down your questions for the doctor, and take someone with you. If this news, or long pain, or long nights of watching bring thoughts of ending your life, call 988 or text 988 tonight, and tell someone near you.
When it has gone on for years
You have asked for healing more times than you can count, and fewer people ask how you are. God put this prayer in the Bible for you.
How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Psalm 13:1-2 (KJV)
David felt forgotten, and he said so. A hidden face is a picture of a season when God’s favor cannot be felt, and such seasons are real (WCF 18.4). But God had not forgotten David, and by the end of the psalm David trusts his mercy again (13:5). For you it may take longer than six verses. He got there by praying the question, not by hiding it.
If you are his, the grace Paul was given is yours too. It does not always take the weakness away. It holds you up inside it. Your outward man, the body, may be wasting away. Yet the inward man is renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16). Paul also says the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (Romans 8:18). That does not make your pain small. It makes the glory great.
You may keep asking, and you may rest from asking. Let others pray when you cannot. And tell your elders you are still here, since churches forget the long sick. If the long years bring thoughts of ending your life, tell someone near you, and call 988 or text 988. God has not finished with your life.
If you are caring for someone
Maybe it is a hospital room, or hospice, or the long decline of a parent, a husband or wife, or a child. You are tired in ways few people see. When Lazarus was sick, his sisters sent Jesus this word, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick (John 11:3). Pray that with their name in it.
God told his people, even to hoar hairs will I carry you (Isaiah 46:4). Hoar hairs are gray hairs. The carrying is a picture of his keeping, and his keeping is real. If they are his, he will carry them all the way, and if you are his, he carries you too.
Caring for them is Christlike work. While he was dying, Jesus saw to his mother’s care (John 19:26-27). Accept help, and give people real jobs, for we are told to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). Choosing a care home is not a failure of love. God works through means, and good nurses are among them.
If dementia is taking their memory, they may no longer know your name. That is a real grief, a goodbye that comes a little at a time, and you may mourn it. They may forget the Lord’s name too. If they are his, he will not forget them (Isaiah 49:15). Safe in His Keeping says more.
If death is near
For those who belong to Christ, death does not take them from him. It brings them to him. Jesus told the dying thief beside him, who had asked only to be remembered, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise (Luke 23:42-43). At death the souls of believers are made perfect in holiness and immediately pass into glory, and their bodies, still united to Christ, rest in their graves till the resurrection (Shorter Catechism Q&A 37). Christ rose, and they will rise.
Paul called being with Christ far better, yet said his staying was more needful for others (Philippians 1:23-24). While God keeps you here, your days are not wasted.
Jesus told his disciples not to let their hearts be troubled. He has gone to prepare a place for his people, and when he comes again he will receive them to himself, that where he is, they may be also (John 14:1-3).
You may face hard choices about treatment, for yourself or for someone who can no longer speak. The Larger Catechism forbids the neglecting or withdrawing the lawful and necessary means of preservation of life (Q&A 136). A treatment that can no longer preserve life, and would only lengthen dying, is not such a means. You may say no to it, or stop it, and that is not giving up on God. But no one may end the life God gave, by a prescription or in any other way. Talk these choices over with your elders and your doctors.
If you fear pain, ask about hospice care, which is there to ease it. If you fear being a burden, let those who love you carry you. If pain or fear is pushing you toward ending your life, tell someone near you, and call 988 or text 988.
Tell your family where your hope is, and call for your elders to pray with you (James 5:14). If you dread dying itself, read When Death Comes Near.
If you are keeping watch at the bed, you do not need many words. Hold their hand, read Psalm 23 aloud, and pray. If you do not know where they stand with God, it is not too late to pray for them, to speak of Christ simply, or to ask your pastor to come.
When you are ready to search your heart
This is not a search for why you are sick. When his disciples asked whose sin had made a man blind, Jesus turned them from that question to the works of God (John 9:2-3). It is a look at how you are bearing it.
You may lament. David said, I poured out my complaint before him (Psalm 142:2). Lament takes the complaint to God. Murmuring turns it against him, as if he had wronged you. The Larger Catechism counts patient bearing of the hand of God among the duties of the sixth commandment (Q&A 135). There is a quieter sin too, trusting the doctors and forgetting the Lord. Go to the doctor, and pray, My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth (Psalm 121:2). Long pain can make us sharp with the ones who care for us, and a caregiver may find resentment growing in the long nights. Needing care is not the sin, and it does not make you a burden they would be better without.
If you find these in you, bring them to Christ. He never murmured against his Father, and he went to the cross for murmuring sinners. He rose, and he turns away no one who comes. Confess it, and he is faithful and just to forgive (1 John 1:9). Then ask him for grace for this one day.
If you do not know Christ, or are not sure you do, his own question is below.
The church
Do Not Carry It Alone
This page can hand you Scripture. It cannot sit with you, pray over you, or bring you a meal. Christ gave those things to his church.
Call your pastor or an elder today. If one of them is the one hurting you, call another pastor you trust. You do not have to explain it well. Say that something has happened and ask him to pray with you. If the need is money or meals or rides, tell your deacons. That is what the office is for. Peter told the elders, Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof (1 Peter 5:2). Letting them do it is not a burden you lay on them. It is the work Christ gave them. When an elder comes, ask when he will come again.
Go to worship on the Lord’s Day, even if you only sit and weep. Sit under the Word, and pray with God’s people. If you are a communing member, come to the Lord’s Table. It was given for the relief of weak and doubting Christians too (Larger Catechism Q&A 172). The Word, the sacraments, and prayer are the means by which Christ gives his people the benefits of his redemption (Shorter Catechism Q&A 88), and by them weak faith is strengthened (Westminster Confession 14.1). Yours may be weak this week. Where you can, put off large decisions for a while, and do not make any of them alone. Getting safe is never a decision to put off.
If you have no church, find a faithful one near you and go this Sunday. Look for one where Christ is preached from the whole Bible, where baptism and the Lord’s Supper are given as he commanded, and where elders watch over the flock. Then ask how to join it. Christ never meant for one of his sheep to walk alone. If you do not know where to start, write to me. I keep this site. I am not a pastor, and I cannot always answer quickly. In an emergency, do not wait on me. Call 911, or call 988 or text 988. But I will pray for you, and I will help you look for a church.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (KJV)
One day you may sit with someone else in this same dark. The comfort God gives you now is meant to be passed on.
If you do not know him
Believest Thou This
Maybe you came here because of a death, a diagnosis, a broken home, or a lost job, and you are not a Christian. The promises here belong to those who belong to Christ. They can be yours.
Jesus spoke these words to a grieving woman on the road outside her village, four days after her brother was buried (John 11:17, 20). Then he asked her a question. He asks you the same one.
Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?
John 11:25-26 (KJV)
If you came here grieving someone, this is not a word about them. Leave them with God. It is a word about you. Death came into the world through sin, and one day you will stand before God yourself (Romans 5:12, Hebrews 9:27).
But Christ died in the place of sinners and bore the punishment their sins deserved, and on the third day he rose again. Everyone who turns from sin and trusts him alone is forgiven and counted righteous for his sake (Shorter Catechism Q&A 33, 87). He said that whoever comes to him he will in no wise cast out (John 6:37). Call on him tonight, in your own words. Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (Romans 10:13). Do not wait until the grief lifts. Come as you are, with the grief.
The gospel page sets it out in full. Read it slowly.