If You Are Not Safe

If you are thinking of ending your life

Do not wait for morning, and do not wait until you can explain it well. Call 988 or text 988, and then tell someone safe near you tonight, a husband or wife, a parent, a friend, or your pastor. If the means to end your life are near you, give them to someone to keep tonight, or put them where you cannot reach them.

Your life is not yours to end. It belongs to the Lord who made you. If you are Christ’s, it is his twice over, for ye are bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). He died and rose for you, and he has not finished with your life. The Larger Catechism counts it a duty of the sixth commandment to preserve our own lives as well as the lives of others (Q&A 135). When Elijah asked God to take his life, God sent him sleep and bread, and then work to do (1 Kings 19). Asking for help is not weakness. It is obedience.

If someone is hurting you

For he shall deliver the needy when he crieth; the poor also, and him that hath no helper. He shall spare the poor and needy, and shall save the souls of the needy. He shall redeem their soul from deceit and violence: and precious shall their blood be in his sight.

Psalm 72:12-14 (KJV)

This is a psalm about the true King, and Christ is that King. He is not neutral about what is being done to you. If a husband or a wife or anyone in your home hits you, threatens you, forces you, or makes you afraid for your life or your children, you may leave to be safe, and you should.

The Larger Catechism names just defense against violence, and protecting and defending the innocent, among the duties God requires (Q&A 135). Scripture says a prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself (Proverbs 22:3). When Saul threw a javelin at David, David fled, and his wife let him down through a window (1 Samuel 19:10-12). Jesus told his disciples that when they were persecuted in one city, they should flee into another (Matthew 10:23).

Leaving to be safe is not a lack of faith, and it is not a sin. You are not to blame for another person’s violence. Questions about the marriage itself can wait, and your elders can help you with them later.

Calling the police is not revenge, and it is not a betrayal of the church. Scripture calls the ruler the minister of God, who bears the sword against those who do evil (Romans 13:4). Tell your elders too, once you are safe. If the one hurting you is an elder, or close to one, tell another pastor you trust. If anyone tells you to go back into danger, do not go back. Go to the police, and find a pastor who will stand with you.

Christ is the Bridegroom who gave himself for his bride, and who nourishes and cherishes her (Ephesians 5:25, 29). What is being done to you is the opposite of what he does. When a crowd at Nazareth tried to throw him off a cliff, he passed through the midst of them and went his way (Luke 4:29-30). His hour had not yet come. When it came, he gave himself up on the cross, of his own will and in the place of sinners, and on the third day he rose. That work is finished. Your suffering cannot add to it, so you are not called to stay under violence.

If a child is being hurt

If a child is in danger, call 911 now. Otherwise report it to the police or to your county’s child protective services, and Childhelp can tell you how. Do not wait for anyone at church to handle it first. Abuse is a crime, and God gave the civil ruler the sword to punish it. A faithful church will stand with you when you call.

If you are young and someone is hurting you, tell a teacher or a school counselor today. If you are in danger right now, call 911, and you can call Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453 at any hour. They are trained for this, and the law requires them to act.

The church

Do Not Carry It Alone

This page can hand you Scripture. It cannot sit with you, pray over you, or bring you a meal. Christ gave those things to his church.

Call your pastor or an elder today. If one of them is the one hurting you, call another pastor you trust. You do not have to explain it well. Say that something has happened and ask him to pray with you. If the need is money or meals or rides, tell your deacons. That is what the office is for. Peter told the elders, Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof (1 Peter 5:2). Letting them do it is not a burden you lay on them. It is the work Christ gave them. When an elder comes, ask when he will come again.

Go to worship on the Lord’s Day, even if you only sit and weep. Sit under the Word, and pray with God’s people. If you are a communing member, come to the Lord’s Table. It was given for the relief of weak and doubting Christians too (Larger Catechism Q&A 172). The Word, the sacraments, and prayer are the means by which Christ gives his people the benefits of his redemption (Shorter Catechism Q&A 88), and by them weak faith is strengthened (Westminster Confession 14.1). Yours may be weak this week. Where you can, put off large decisions for a while, and do not make any of them alone. Getting safe is never a decision to put off.

If you have no church, find a faithful one near you and go this Sunday. Look for one where Christ is preached from the whole Bible, where baptism and the Lord’s Supper are given as he commanded, and where elders watch over the flock. Then ask how to join it. Christ never meant for one of his sheep to walk alone. If you do not know where to start, write to me. I keep this site. I am not a pastor, and I cannot always answer quickly. In an emergency, do not wait on me. Call 911, or call 988 or text 988. But I will pray for you, and I will help you look for a church.

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (KJV)

One day you may sit with someone else in this same dark. The comfort God gives you now is meant to be passed on.

If you do not know him

Believest Thou This

Maybe you came here because of a death, a diagnosis, a broken home, or a lost job, and you are not a Christian. The promises here belong to those who belong to Christ. They can be yours.

Jesus spoke these words to a grieving woman on the road outside her village, four days after her brother was buried (John 11:17, 20). Then he asked her a question. He asks you the same one.

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

John 11:25-26 (KJV)

If you came here grieving someone, this is not a word about them. Leave them with God. It is a word about you. Death came into the world through sin, and one day you will stand before God yourself (Romans 5:12, Hebrews 9:27).

But Christ died in the place of sinners and bore the punishment their sins deserved, and on the third day he rose again. Everyone who turns from sin and trusts him alone is forgiven and counted righteous for his sake (Shorter Catechism Q&A 33, 87). He said that whoever comes to him he will in no wise cast out (John 6:37). Call on him tonight, in your own words. Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (Romans 10:13). Do not wait until the grief lifts. Come as you are, with the grief.

The gospel page sets it out in full. Read it slowly.